The Cheesecake

Disclaimer: Before you read this story, I would just like to warn all of you that this story isn’t going to be like my other works. Not only is it rather poorly written, but it’s simply written for humor purposes only and shouldn’t be taken too seriously. So, you know, if you’re having a bad day, I hope this makes you smile a little 🙂

He’s kinda dumb, I suppose. And he always has this weird blank expression on his face like he’s constantly constipated or something. But I love him for it. Because it makes him who he is.

So, once upon a time, I was eating this really good cheesecake. My friends and I were sitting near the back doors of the school, talking about him, when – like magic – he came out of nowhere, sporting his usual dumbass look and black jacket. I love that jacket of his – it looked great on him.

“Eek,” I squeaked when I saw him, dropping my really good cheesecake in the process. My friend laughed at my reaction, and that seemed to catch his attention. He looked over at us for a moment, staring blankly, before smiling. Hot damn.

“Hey,” he said with an easy smile, making his way towards us. “What are you guys doing?”

“Tia’s in love with you,” I blurted out, instead of answering his question. “I mean…uh…”

“WHAT!?” Tia screamed, looking over at me. “I’m LESBIAN!”

He seemed to be at a loss for words. “Uh…okay?”

“No, she’s not,” I continued, the lies just rolling off of my tongue like shit from a dog’s anus. “She’s bi.”

“Bitch, what?” She didn’t look too happy. “I don’t -”

“Want him knowing,” I said, cutting her off. “Sorry, T.”

He looked over at the two of us weirdly. “I -”, he stopped talking, looking down at the floor. “Hey, is that cheesecake?”

Kneeling down, he stared at the smooshed cheesecake on the floor, poking it ever so slightly with his index finger, eyes narrowed as if he were examining it. “This looks like really good cheesecake.”

“It was,” Tia said from beside me, crossing her arms across her chest. “Before Jade dropped it at the sight of you.”

At this, Liam glances up. “Wait, what?”

“Yeah, she loves you.”

“Holy fuck, Tia!” I shouted before slapping a hand over my mouth for swearing.

Liam’s eyebrows furrowed at this as he stood back up. “Wait… I thought you liked me, Tia.”

“I told you, I’m lesbian!”

“So…Jade likes me?”

“No!” I shouted in exasperation. “I’m also lesbian!!”

“Oh my God, rip,” Liam said, walking away, scratching the back of his neck. “Damn, ‘cause I…you know…was kinda into you.”

At this, I jumped up. “I was just kidding!” I called out, chasing after his retreating figure, embracing him from behind, wrapping my arms around his middle. “I like you. I like you a lot.”

“Me too,” he said, chuckling, turning around in my arms to hug me back. “Me fucking too.”

And that, kids, is how I officially met your father.

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