The Shackles of Grief

It always starts with the tears

When you feel your eyes water

And your throat tightens

You know that it’s inevitable

 

All of a sudden

You’re sitting there

Tears rolling down your face in rivulets

Unstoppable

 

And your chest aches

Your heart aches

All you want to do is

To

Stop

Feeling

This

 

But it’s there

So you shrug your shoulders

Wipe your tears

And you try not to feel like you’ve lost something

Try not to feel like you’re lost

 

Your nose is stuffed

Your eyes are red

Your inhales are more like sniffles

And your mind is full of nothing 

 

Nothing but the memories

Nothing but the jokes you used to make

Nothing

N o t h i n g

Because you can’t say those things anymore

You can’t make those jokes anymore because

It hurts 

 

You try to pretend like it doesn’t bother you

That, no

You’re fine 

But you’re not

You try to be but you’re not

 

And the worst part is

Nobody notices

Because you’re crying in the bathroom

You’re crying when nobody’s around

You’re crying all by yourself

Alone

 

You have to be fine

You’re saying it’s fine

And you have to be what you say you are

Otherwise you’re lying to everyone

Including yourself

 

But then you realize

It’s okay to not be fine

It’s okay to be sad

It’s okay to feel like you’re choking on your tears

It’s okay to feel like the words you never got the chance to say were said

 

It’s okay 

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